Jesus Tweets


Remember when #Jesus said “Every sperm is sacred! Don’t let anyone use birth control!” – #p2 #tcot #1u #ConnectTheLeft
 
Remember when #Jesus said, “I’m not concerned about the very poor” – #tcot #p2 #1u #Mitt #ConnectTheLeft
 
Remember when #Jesus said “I believe in government that is small enough to fit inside a woman’s uterus” – #tcot #p2 #ConnectTheLeft
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Sure you can model your life after Ayn Rand and still get into Heaven!” #tcot #gop #gopfail #ConnectTheLeft
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Make sure to write a contradictory, mistranslated book called the Bible tht you can use to justify harming others
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Make sure you don’t let anyone use condoms so as many ppl as possible get HIV, AIDs & Hep C!”? #p2 #tcot #CTL
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Make sure you don’t allow birth control so people have families they can’t afford to feed!” ? #tcot #p2 #1u #CTL
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Make sure you teach women to have as many children as they possibly can so they harm their health & possibly die”
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Tell Ireland to lock up young women in the Magdalene Laundries, use them as slaves & rape them” #p2 #tcot #CTL
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Tell the Pope to protect priests who molest & rape children; cover it up as much as you can” #tcot #p2 #CTL
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Make sure there’s a Vatican with riches while the world’s poor starve & die” ? #CTL #p2 #1u #Tcot
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Torture & murder as many people as you can. Call it the Inquisition. Don’t apologize for it”. #CTL #tcot #p2 #1u
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Make sure you wait at least 700 years before you apologize to that Galileo guy” #CTL #tcot #p2 #1u
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Thou Shalt Not Kill” unless it’s because someone doesn’t worship god the way you want them to” #p2 #tcot #CTL
 
Remember when #Jesus said “That guy #PatRobertson will sound like he’s contradicting me, but listen to him anyway” #Tcot #p2 #1u #MeNeither
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “Make sure #taxcuts for the middle/working ppl are paid for but this doesn’t matter for the #BushTaxCuts!” #tcot #P2
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Make sure you raise taxes on the middle & working class but not on the rich folks” #tcot @speakerboehner #p2 #1u
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Let the Little Children work as janitors!” #tcot #Newt #christian #teaparty #p2 #1u
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Judge people who you don’t know especially if they’re sick, disabled, unemployed & unlawfully fired” #tcot #tea
 
Remember when Jesus said “Make sure you keep using the death penalty because I approve!” #tcot #christian #teaparty #p2 #1u #MeNeither!
 
Remember when #Jesus said “It’s okay if you commit adultery as long as you lie and say you really didn’t” #Newt #Vitter #gop #teaparty #Cain
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Don’t retreat, reload – don’t learn healthy communication skills – just carry a gun & be an asshole” #gop #tea
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Make sure you treat people w substance abuse problems like criminals – unless they’re fat & white & on the radio”
 
Remember when #Jesus said “If you’re unemployed, it’s your fault – especially if you didn’t give that guy a blow job in his car” #gop #tea
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Waterboarding is not torture” #gop #tcot #teaparty #p2 #1u #MeNeither!
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Make sure you start a network that will lie to people so much that it’s illegal in Canada” @FoxNews #gop #tcot
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Make sure the rich corporations & families bribe all the policitians they can – call it ‘lobbying’!” #gop #tea
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Let the money-changers destroy the economy, then bail them out & don’t hold them accountable” #gop #teaparty #p2
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “Make sure you force worshipping me on others & wage some wars about it as well” #p2 #1u #tcot #teaparty #christian
 
Remember when #Jesus said “If you want to inspire people, don’t quote me – quote Pokemon!” #Cain #tcot #p2 #1u #gop #teaparty
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Make sure all the stores are open on Thanksgiving & Christmas so people can get great deals!” #tcot #1u #p2 #tea
 
Remember when #Jesus said, “What I said earlier was not intended to be a factual statement” #tcot #p2 #1u #Kyl #gop #Teaparty
 
Remember when #Jesus said “The poor are lazy and should be drug-tested” #christian #tcot #p2 #1u #teaparty #MeNeither!
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Celebrate my birth by hating anyone who doesn’t celebrate my birth!” #tcot #christian @FoxNews #p2 #1u #MeNeither
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Worship my birth by adopting pagan trees & rituals & by maxing out your credit cards on Black Friday!” #MeNeither
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Love One Another As I Have Love You – Unless they’re Muslim, Gay or Jewish” #tcot #christian #p2 #1u #CTL
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “I welcome all the wealthy capitalists into heaven unconditionally – feel free to ignore & harm the poor” #gop #tea
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “I want to hear your concerns but you will have to pay to come to my meeting” #christians #tcot
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “Come follow me & I will give you rest; unless the #moneychangers want to destroy #SocialSecurity#tcot #teaparty
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “He who believes in me shall not hunger or thirst – unless the #moneychangers poison water & food” #teaparty #tcot
  
Remember when #Jesus sd “Lost your job? You shouldn’t have complained abt unsafe working conditions!” #christians #tcot #teaparty #p2 #1u
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “Whenever 2 or more of you are gathered, it’s probably a #union meeting that should be stopped” #tcot #christian #p2 
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “Make sure you have a huge vacation home before you feed the poor or help the sick” #tcot #teaparty #christian #p2
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “Making as much $ as you can in the free market is more important than harmful products that kill & injure” #tcot
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “Forgive they who cause my death; they’re so dumb they’ll cheer 4 executions again & still think they r #christian
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “The death penalty is #awesome! Go #Perry Go #TX Go #GWB!” #christian #tcot #gop #p2 #1u #ConnectTheLeft
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “‘Blessed are you who are poor, for that way there is more for the #moneychangers!” #chrstian #tcot #gop #p2 #1u
 
Remember when #Jesus sd ‘He has sent me 2 proclaim release 2 captives-except those convicted by a #racist court system. Kill them” #tcot #p2
 
Remember when #Jesus sd ‘He has sent me to restore sight to the blind except for Christine O’Donnell who has masturbated far too much” #p2
 
Remember when #Jesus sd ‘He has sent me to let the oppressed go free, unless they work 4 the #moneychanges, in which case fuck ’em’ #p2 #1u
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “I was a stranger & you welcomed me even tho I was an unemployed poor guy w dreadlocks who gave free healings” #tcot
 
Remember when #Jesus sd ‘I was hungry & you let the free market sell me food that was full of cancer-causing chemicals. #Awesome#tcot #p2
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “I was naked & you mistook me for that porn actor in all those films you watched in #Utah#p2 #ConnectTheLeft #tcot
 
Remember when #Jesus sd ‘I was sick & you took care of me after I promised to take out a second mortage on my home to pay for it” #tcot #p2
 
Remember when #Jesus sd ‘I was in prison & you visited me b/c you wanted to make sure your investment in the #private #prison was well-used”
  
Remember when #Jesus sd ‘Go sell what you own & give the $ to Goldman Sachs so they can fuck you over’ #tcot #teaparty #p2 #ConnectTheLeft
  
#Jesus-A poor widow gave more 2 the treasury than all; They contributed out of abundance but she out of poverty gave all she had #TrueQuote
 
#Jesus: “So it is with those who store up treasures for themselves but are not rich toward God.” #ReallyJesus #tcot #christian #teaparty #p2
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “If someone is poor, it’s probably not bc of misfortune, illness or insider trading; Fuck ’em!” #tcot #christian #p2
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “I died 4 everyone’s sins unless they’re found guilty in an unreliable court-system tht convicts innocents; Fry ’em”
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “Go #lobby for #profits even if they cause #cancer bc of #chemicals in #Air, #food, #soil & #water!” #tcot #teaparty
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “Dude, you can fuck over whoever you want. Just confess to me at the end & we’re cool” #tcot #teaparty #gop #p2
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “#Corporations are people, that is why they should all be baptized, make true confessions & donate blood” #p2 #1u
  
Remember when #Jesus sd “Psst-if you call yourself a #Christian you can get away w/ tons of hypocrisy in the #GOP. #Awesome#tcot #teaparty
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “In future there will b excellent #Medicare, #socialSecurity & #medicaid 2 help ppl; Cancel them” #tcot #teaparty
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “My dad made the #earth in 7 days so fuck it up all you want. He can do it again” #tcot #teaparty #p2 #ConectTheLeft
  
Remember when #Jesus said “Make me an instrument of your peace and carry a #gun wherever you can!” #tcot #teaparty #p2 #1u #ConnectTheLeft
 
Remember when #Jesus refused to heal ppl bc they missed their last payment to him bc they lost their job bc of bigotry towards #Christians?
 
Remember when #Jesus refused to heal ppl bc they lost their #job bc they complained of sexual harassment? #christians #tcot #teaparty #Cain
 
Remember when #Jesus refused to heal ppl bc they lost their healthcare bc their #jobs were outsourced by the romans? #tcot #teaparty #gop
  
Remember when #Jesus refused to heal ppl bc they lost their jobs after they complained about unsafe working conditions? #tcot #teaparty #gop
  
Remember when #Jesus refused to heal ppl because they cdnt afford COBRA after they were laid off? #christians #tcot #p2
   
Remember when #Jesus refused to heal ppl bc they were #sinners? #christian #gop #teaparty #tcot #ConnectTheLeft #p2 #1u #NeitherDoI
 
Remember when #Jesus paid a staff of ppl to find reasons why he should refuse to heal sick ppl? #Christians #tcot #teaparty #GOP #p2 #1u
 
Remember when #Jesus bragged about how many criminals he #executed? #christians #teaparty #tcot #PontiusPerry #gop #p2 #1u #ConnectTheLeft
  
Remember when #Jesus told the #moneychangers to not pay any #taxes that would help the #poor, #aged & #sick? #christians #tcot #p2 #1u #gop
 
Remember when #Jesus enthusiastically endorsed the #deathpenalty & bragged abt how many criminals he executed? #christians #teaparty #gop
 
Remember when #Jesus sd the #unemployed were #lazy & it was their own fault the #moneychangers refused to hire despite record profits? #tcot
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “Let all who cheer for the #dealthPenalty come to me & enter my kingdom!” #christians #tcot #teaparty #gop #p2 #1u
  
Remember when #Jesus sd “I am the bread of life & you can only come to me if you can afford the admission!” ? #christians #tcot #teaparty
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “Screw the golden rule-judge, mistreat & hate whoever you want. We white folks will enjoy heaven anyway” #p2 #tcot
  
Remember when #Jesus sd “Paint my portrait as tho I have blonde hair & blue eyes so I don’t scare all those #republicans w my dreads” #p2
  
Remember when #Jesus sd “Whosoever believeth in God should not perish, unless he works for #BP #Massey #Halliburton #Xe #KBR etc” #tcot #p2
  
Remember when #Jesus sd “Whosoever drinketh of the water tht I shall give him shall never thirst-unless it’s been fracked then we’re fucked”
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “I came not to call the righteous-but sinners 2 repentance-so only the #GOP will #rapture. Everyone else is fine”
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works- do your crimes in secret!” #tcot #teaparty
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “Thou shalt love the Lord w/ all thy heart & all thy soul & all thy mind; & by “lord”, I mean #Money#tcot #p2 #1u
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “the Son of man came to give his life as #ransom for many, so remind the #GOP-Ransom has been paid!” #tcot #p2 #1u
  
Remember when #Jesus sd “Is anything worth more than your soul? You bet- #InsiderTrading #LobbyistBribes & #IllicitSex!” #teaparty #tcot #p2
  
Remember when #Jesus sd “For everyone who asks, receives – that is why #GOP meetings shd be held at lesbian S&M clubs” #tcot #teaparty #p2
  
Remember when #Jesus sd “Everyone who seeks, finds-so be careful when you’re cheating on yr wife #Newt #Vitter & #Cain#teaparty #tcot #p2
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened; really no need for a #widestance, Larry” #tcot #teaparty #p2 #gop
 
Remember when #Jesus said “If you want to get into heaven read Ayn Rand & model your life after her sociopath anti-hero” #gop #teaparty #p2
 
Remember when #Jesus said “I am against collective bargaining”? #MeNeither #p2 #1u #gop #tcot #teaparty #gopfail #christian
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Yes there are different color people & make sure you remain segregated!” #gop #teaparty #tcot #p2 #1u #Christian
 
Remember when #Jesus said “We’re not ready for a Black President” #MeNeither #p2 #1u #gopfail #teaparty #christians #tcot #teaKK
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Make sure you oppress women by denying them healthcare, birth control & equal rights” #MeNeither #tcot #p2 #1u
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Excommunicate the gays & the divorcees, but protect the pedophile priests” #MeNeither #tcot #p2 #1u #FuckThePOPE
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Tell battered women to stay married to their abusers no matter what” #MeNeither #p2 #1u #Tcot #teaparty #gop
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Make sure you celebrate my birth by buying things made by slave-laborers overseas who have no labor rights” #tcot
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Adopt political policies that will harm the poor & reward the rich – increase income gaps!” #MeNeither #tcot #p2
 
Remember when #Jesus said “Give better tax breaks to the rich than to the poor!” #MeNeither #p2 #1u #tcot #teaparty #KochSuckers #gop
 
Remember when #Jesus said “I’ll bet you $10 thousand dollars I can walk on that water!” #gop #teaparty #christians #mormons #MittBets #p2
 
Remember when #Jesus asked, “Are you now or have you ever been a member of the communist party?” #tcot #christian #p2 #1u #ConnectTheLeft
 
Remember when #Jesus said, “I wish your parents used contraception” #CalThomas #p2 #1u #Tcot – #Hypocrisy #ConnectTheLeft
 
Remember when #Jesus sd “this robe I wear will one day evolve into a #hoodie & some racist will blame it 4 the murder of an innocent child”
 
Copyright Denise  A Romano 2011
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: